When I do art, I feel free. I feel like a hawk soaring in the sky.
But when the artwork is done, I'm not usually satisfied with what I've made. I'd either put it in the trash can or put it away in a closet so I don't have to see it again. I get frustrated wondering why my artwork doesn't turn out the way I imagined. It's like my art has it's own life that I cannot control.
|Nude oil painting: a project I did in an oil painting class, imitating the work of Salvador Dali. |
I actually like this one so I kept it.
I don't get along with my own creations.
I wonder if this is how God feels about us sometimes.
So, I did the most reasonable thing to do. I decided to pursue my career in research and forgot about art. I spent years studying psychological research and landed a job that let me work on an exciting project, only to find out research was not my calling. It was devastating.
|Watercolor painting I did for a charity auction. I think it's pretty, but this is not really me.|
I've recently started to make my way back to art again. I felt awkward at first because I hadn't done any artwork in a while. I didn't know where to start and what to paint. The thought of pursuing art also scared me.
Am I running away from art again this time?
I'm now trying to change the love and hate relationship I've had with art. Perhaps, I haven't refined my style yet. The only way to find out is to practice until I get it right.
I probably should focus more on the process - the joyous process of creating art rather than the outcome itself. I should perform art just for the sake of performing it.
I also figured I can decorate my house with my own artwork for free, and that is always a plus.
Here is the newest additions to my art family:
Venus (yes, I named them)
and The Rebel (doesn't he look like The Rebel?)
I've never done an abstract drawing or painting before, but I enjoyed the process very much.
And you remember my nude drawing. I haven't yet decided if I like this one.
I believe my ability to create art is one of my God-given gifts.
So, I stopped running away from my gift.
If I keep running away from what I'm called to do, who is going to be me and do my job?
My friend Jenn Nahrstadt has just published an article that taps deeper into this topic. She is one of the first readers who has ever commented on my blog. She also revised one of my earlier posts, There's Something about Giving. The post had some grammatical issues that needed to be corrected (as you know English is not my first language), and Jenn generously offered me her gift of writing by revising it. She now shares her gift with the world through her brilliantly insightful article. If you are trying to find your way in life like I do, you won't regret reading this.
You can read Jenn's article, here.
When you offer your gift to the world, everyone wins. (Emily Freeman & Gary Morland from At the Barn)
What is your gift?
Are you running away from your gift or living it?