One in a Million

I've had this pain on the left side of my chest for quite some time. The pain used to come and go, but it has become persistent over the past few days, spreading all over my left shoulder and arm. 

I found myself sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office yesterday morning, feeling small and nervous, while waiting for my name to be called. 

I wasn't scared, but it would be a lie if I say I wasn't worried. What if I had something serious? What if something happens to me and I would leave my boys motherless. These thoughts kept circling in my head. 

Then a phrase floated into my mind out of nowhere, "It's not my time yet."

My gynecologist didn't find any lumps in my chest. But the phrase continued to echo in my mind, louder than before: "it's not my time yet." 

If it's not my time yet, what's left for me to do? What are the things that still need to be done while I'm here on earth? I started to have this quiet conversation with myself on the way back home from the doctor's office.

I discussed with my husband, too, about the things I wanted to pursue and who I wanted to become. During the conversation, Steve blurted out, "but that's one in a million. It's impossible to make a living like that." That stirred something up inside of me and I cried.  

I want to be that one in a million. 

I want to be a children's book author. I want to create stories that makes a difference in the lives of others. I want to run a creative business and financially support my family.

I want to be that one in a million. 

I want to move towards my dreams even when they appear to be out of reach. I want to believe in myself and believe in the gifts God has planted inside of me.

I want to be that on in a million. 

I want to live each day with purpose. I want to wake up in the morning excited to face the day's adventure instead of dragging the tired body out of bed so that I can cross off the never ending to-do list. I want to be the person I deeply am and live up to my fullest potential.  

When I decided to come to America to study psychology, some people tried to convince me not to do it. Some said I was being unrealistic, and one professor even refused to write a letter of recommendation for me. He didn't believe in me. He didn't think I could do it.

But if I gave into the fear and voices of others around me, I wouldn't have attained my degrees in psychology and human development. I wouldn't have had a chance to work in the field of early childhood research and found out that the path was not meant for me. I wouldn't have become as invested into empowering children and helping them unlock their potential as I am today.

Just because it's not easy to pursue and there's no set path laid in front of me, it doesn't mean that it's impossible. So I politely decline all the "be realistic" advice that comes my way. Then I turn to my dream and start taking baby steps toward my goals.

I know I can reach the stars, even from this humble and small beginning of where I am today. I'm not sure if writing children's books will be part of my career, as I know life can take a different path from your original plans. But I can't keep running from it and letting the fear hold me back anymore. I need to give it a try and see where it takes me.

Sometimes it takes a pain in the chest to make you realize what really matters. Those unexpected, not-so-lovely things can be blessings in disguise.

I believe I can be that one in a million, who lives life to its fullest.
I believe you can be that one in a million, too. 

What are your dreams?